Monday, Day 140, 100% Raw Fruitarian. Bit of a tough day today. i spoke with my dad. i was basically reamed for about 10-15 minutes. Using heavy language and telling me how i was always no good (and that was the nice part). i took as much of it as i could stand before i hung up the phone in tears. i came away with certain realizations. First, i genuinely felt sorry for him and prayed for him. i learned that if a person has done evil and never makes amends, the evil eats at the person. It may not always appear like it, but it does. In the torrent of verbal abuse that came over the phone, i heard a man heavy with guilt. The guilt is killing him. i heard a man that, for that 10-15 minutes, had lost his mind. i have seen people out of their minds before, having ministered in prisons for several years, but never someone this close to me. Secondly, it made me want to make sure that i have confessed all my sin to my Father in Heaven and that as far as in my power i make anything right with anyone i have wronged. i called my brother soon afterward because i felt like i didn't give him the support i should have growing up as his big brother. Plus i wanted to warn him of what he might expect should he call our dad. We had a long and very pleasant conversation. i told him i was sorry for anything i may have done to hurt or disappoint him. It was very nice and he was glad i called because he thought it best not to call our dad for awhile. i am not sure if i will ever call him again, seeing the reaction i inadvertently illicited. But i know for sure i will be praying for him. Very diligently. Hearing him like that was like seeing a wounded animal that needed to be put down. i pray he can come clean with himself and with the God of Heaven, before it kills him........ Real life is something else.
Foodwise, it was an excellent day. i also had a terrific workout. After working out on and off since i was 10 years old, i feel like a novice. i like that, as i can build from here little by little. Progress is rewarding. Here are today's meals and activities.
Breakfast:
5 valencia orange, 2 bananas, 3 mangos (910 calories).
Lunch:
Non-sweet fruity salad with bananas, mango, avocado, cucumber and tomatoes. i also ate an avocado after that. (1033 calories)
Dinner:
one third of a large watermelon, one avocado (my third of the day). (736 calories).
Snack:
one third of a large watermelon. (447 calories).
Exercise:
set the timer for 35 minutes.......did 120 pushups/61 chins& pullups/60 one legged squats on each leg.
Grace and Peace be multiplied.
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Your dad loves you so much Todd. That is his way of showing it, believe it. He would never share that with you if he didnt want to get it out.
ReplyDeleteGood news, its out of the way and now there is room for him to see something n in you. Just wait Todd, love will conquer, look at life as youwant it to be. It will come and you need
this "contrast" to appreciate the clarity and love and bonding that comes later
Hello Vanilla,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words and encouragement. But........
While i believe in his own way my dad believes he loves me. the reality is he has never known true Love. He cannot share what he does not possess. Its like a man beating a woman and the woman saying its his way of showing his love. Its alittle sick. Thats my dad unfortunately.
i cannot look at life the way i want it to be. For that reminds me of the "fantasy island" my dad is on (and unfortunately many others with him). Which is a mental escape from reality to avoid pain. Grace doesn't cause one to ignore reality or overlook it, instead its power to overcome it. i believe my Saviour gives strength to deal in reality. True repentance brings peace and joy that nothing in this world can take away. With it comes the Spirit of true Love. i pray my dad will experience this and by faith i believe one day he may. Then our fellowship will be sweet. But, as with every human born of a woman, he must make his own choices in his own time. i must accept whatever choices he makes and be able to move on in faith.